There’s so much to just randomly observe and comment from a fresh perspective. I never want to stop looking with these eyes.
~See Lemons Just Live
I could tell it was awkward giving everyone hugs because I made all of them blush – guys and girls alike. I had formed bonds with these students and they have all influenced my opinion of Japan. So many cultural lines were crossed through a gesture that I find normally fitting for farewell.
It doesn’t even matter if I’ll see you later tonight, a hug feels good. I can’t begin to describe how many things a hug means to me. Let’s just say that depending on the type of hug, it can be more intimate than a kiss. A hug says, “Welcome into my personal space – we can share.” The body contact is maximized to spread warmth, and we physically transmit feelings of gratitude, sadness, or best wishes. It could say “I’ll miss you” or “I love you” or “I’ll never forget you” within that short-lived tight squeeze. I think my days are brighter when it starts with a hug. This will be tested with another social experiment (I can already hear the hippie names you come up for me now).
Random Observation/Comment #103: It’s hard to say goodbye, but I guess I never left – I guess I never have to. I’ve been reliving the memories for the past 2 ½ months and it’s been the most enjoyable moments in my life. Every morning in front of my laptop on the LIRR, I am in my writing zone with the classical music playing in the background. I close my eyes and try to piece together all the memories of my senses and emotions. I wish it would play like a movie, but there are all of these glitches in the audio, video, touch-io, smell-io, and taste-io departments (I know the technical terms, but this is funnier). There are scenes where it’s perfect, but I’m lucky if I get most of them with two out of five. I often remember the moments that I really tried hard to capture, but oddly, this clip from my past does not have associated feelings. It’s like my memory can’t concentrate on my senses and my emotions at the same time. For example, I clearly remember the few minutes of the sunrise as I looked over my camera recording, but the moment when the sun looked like a yolk dropping into this liquid sky, the senses are replaced with emotions and thoughts. It’s weird because I can then repaint the picture based on the way I remember feeling. It’s no longer the same picture, but it brings the emotions just the same. When I reread these entries in my old age, I hope I still have this valuable skill. I hope I can still roam the 4th dimension in my dreams – not in hopes to alter anything to cause a rift in the space-time continuum, but to be a spectator of an unforgettable part of my life.
I basically wrote an entry for every day I was in Japan. What a good idea. more »
Random Observation/Comment #100 (yay, happy dance): Writing is my release. It is an addiction I indulge in at least an hour a day. My entries do not take a lot of extra thought. When I close my eyes, these words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, and endless pages just appear on the screen. These lines take me higher. I’ve been writing consistently for 7 years now, but I’ve never considered this a career. Conveying ideas is obviously necessary in every area of work and study, but writing to the people, for the people, seems like I’ve betrayed my original purpose. I started writing to maintain a time capsule of events that changed my life. Before I left to Japan, I reread all of these entries and opened a flood of memories and emotions. I laughed, cried, smiled, and generally showed this stoic face of reflection. It took a week to read through all of my entries of 6 years. My childish high school angst and ambitious college rants became a part of me again. If I had the super powers that absorbed other people’s super powers (which I could technically have, but never be able to test), the feeling of rereading those entries would be analogous to taking someone’s powers.
My brother started a blog most probably to be more like me (not probable at all). He writes about what’s important to his life: cars, family, friends, career, food, art, and cars (done on purpose). What he has to say does not really contribute to the community as a civil service of any sort, but rather offers a peer into his very respectable outlook on life. Everything checks out when you listen to his story. I love cars; therefore I will design roads so millions of cars can be happy. I don’t think Angus is completely obsessed. It would be an obsession if he calls his cars his girlfriends, mistresses, and wives, but why would anyone ever do a crazy thing like that?
Random Observation/Comment #96: I’ve watched the Dark Knight eight times. What a freakin’ awesome movie. I didn’t think Heath Ledger was that type of actor, but he did a legendary job and I don’t think there can be any replacement for him. The revelation of the Joker’s character was carefully planned by luring the audience into false conclusions with the early snippets of unclear intentions. At the point when we admired him for his brilliance as a mastermind, we were shown his twisted cynicism. This was no longer a simple Dick Tracy film about corruption and justice – it had evolved into a struggle of balance and a sacrifice of honor for a greater cause. A city of mobs screwing up the underground economy becomes a city of chaos lead by a lunatic that wants nothing more than to witness the fall of society. He was a genius of plot twists, and he was purely insane. What story do you believe? Why So Serious?
Random Observation/Comment #95: If Obama lost, I would have felt like democracy had failed and we’re just not being heard. Also, we would have had to finish all of the alcohol in the house. Yay, Presidential trivia! It was a truly historical night.
My mind never grasped politics or history to its fullest extent. For the most part, the numbers and names blurred into a series of entertaining stories. The only difference with these stories is that they actually happened, and they’ve directly impacted the way we live today. Hopefully when we study all of the angles that come into play, we can avoid the mistakes we’ve made in the past and discover alternative solutions. Well, duh. That’s what everyone does – we think about our experiences and learn from them. So why is it so difficult to learn from our mistakes? I’m not talking about the government being hounded for its eff ups and rarely praised for its daily duties of protection and stability. I’m talking about the people that live in a part of this system and find it hard to cast a ballot. Everyone wants to be heard when they’re directly affected, but so little will actually take the time and effort to be a part of the solution before there’s actually a problem.
Random Observation/Comment #92: I’ve realized that “new favorite places” is just a quick infatuation. It’s like a really bad middle school crush that is purely sexual… maybe not. I think more accurately as love at first sight. After some time of getting to know her, you find out she’s a psychotic, ex-con drug addict with a huge debt and fake, detachable body parts (Not firsthand experience). It really takes a lot to become a favorite place. There needs to be that special quality – maybe a set of emotions that rushes back to your mind that leaves your body immobile. It’s something about the smell of the surroundings, taste of the air, warmth of the sun, or a feeling of freedom that just makes all the sorrows melt away. Sometimes when you go back to a place you claim as a “new favorite” you become disappointed at the lack of impact you expected. There was always something missing – always someone missing to complete that feeling in Japan. A sigh is appropriate right about now.
There wasn’t a lot of time left and I had so much to relive. I wanted to go everywhere again and retake all those pictures with new and interesting people. What I needed was a time machine, and all I had was a camera and 20GBs of pictures and videos. It would become useful in my recovering days after my trip, but at the time, I knew there were more memories to make. I had revisited Spa World for the pure relaxation and dropped by Den Den town to actually shop around for friends and family. After the waterfall massaged my back and I took a nap in the public lounge, I filtered through the exotic stores in the area. It wasn’t exotic to me anymore and for some reason I felt the same loneliness and seclusion I feel in the city.
Random Observation/Comment #86: No one could tell if I had my eyes open or not. I couldn’t see if this was because I had black paint around my eyes as a zombie, or if it was because I’m Asian. Regardless, it was an undeadly combination (zing).
Only a few hours have passed since the bite. I’m losing grasp of reality and my train of thought. These urges keep my temper erratic and volatile. It’s a hunger. It’s a thirst. It goes deeper than a simple desire. I cannot fight such basic needs that I feel are essential for my survival. I’m beginning to lose my sense of self restraint. Everyone looks so delicious. My nostrils tingle and I’m blindly following the aroma. The smell of flesh sends my cravings into overdrive. It reminds me of that head high rush from that longing kiss. I want it to escalate to something more satisfying
I still can’t believe I’m leaving in 3 days after being here for close to 3 months. There aren’t words to express this feeling of sadness for leaving, yet a conflicting level of happiness for returning to where I call my home. Japan has burrowed, setup living quarters, and ordered extraneous furniture in my heart. I will never forget these beautiful days here, and I want nothing more than to come back.
My lack of writing has been evidence of how much I’ve been optimizing my time absorbing the atmosphere and hugging the ground. I picture a little cartoon character flat on the soil trying very hard to give the Earth a big hug by wrapping his arms around the unnoticeable curvature, while at the same time, smiling with content at this unspeakable bond.
I love you, Japan. Thank you for the wonderful time. I’ll call you; and I’m not saying that so you won’t feel bad – I mean it with all my heart. I promise we’ll be together again in the near future. Don’t hold your breath for me. Continue to sustain your family of millions, and keep up the good work with the hot looking girls. You’ve left me satisfied so many times. It won’t be awkward. My tears are sweet, not salty. The taste reminds me of our times together, which have always (and will always) leave me with a smile. Let’s not make this any more difficult than it has to be. Farewell.
~See Lemons Live
PS – this is not about a girl in Japan even though it’s almost convincingly enough to be
PPS – I will post more often when I find time between the beer and spirits
Random Observation/Comment #31: Sitting alone in a room with nothing to do and no one to talk to is my gateway to reflection.I feel a monologue coming on.
I am naïve.There is much I pretend to know, but it’s all based on my experiences and this acquired methodology of processing what I think I see around me.My intention is not to preach, but to reach out to my most loyal readers: my parents.Although they (and many others) sometimes fail to understand my rambling and little parenthetical commentaries to my own thoughts, I think they’ll understand my appreciation in the next few paragraphs (I’ll appease them with a shorter reading assignment).
After four years of suffering, the last month was by far the most enjoyable. It has been an absolutely surreal experience. Free time for extra hours of sleep? uhhh, not exactly… no… I think I was recovering from the parties and the outings during the mornings. Breakfast was at the crack of noon and bedtime shifted to the next day. My internal clock still has trouble adjusting to a normal schedule.
I lost track of the date, the day of the week, and even the hours. More and more time was sucked into exploring the Internet and absorbing every article about recent news and travel. Rather than dipping my finger into all the different hobbies, I refined my search to … umm … still too many hobbies. There is just too much to learn in the technical and the social. Every drunken night was accompanied by drunken conversations and truly happy memories with unique and bright individuals. I’m very glad I had the opportunity to live what I consider a normal college celebration.
The new Cooper Alumni all have intricate plans. Each following their path towards some type of happiness – whether it be security, wealth, or intellect. I am very proud to be a part of this graduating class. Although all graduation speeches try to inject one last bit of inspiration into our minds before moving forward, I think Rodrigo put it best. He reminded us that we survived hell, and gained from it the ability to learn. The ability to observe, think, and conclude based on our best judgments. Just because we have not tasted every cheap alcohol, or won metals for beer pong, or even had one night stands, we’ve benefited with the tools to accomplish anything we set our minds on. Of course, we can also access our situations enough to make these goals rational and realistic.
We’re all afraid of growing up. Don’t you wish we could just stop time or at the very least slow it down? Our memories keep many of these experiences alive to relive again at our older age. It’s actually the reason I’ve been writing in my journals for so long. Just the other day, I reread all the mushy emails with significant others and random updates on noteworthy events throughout college. There were so many that reminded me of dorm life, concerts, and naive opinions/reflections. Perhaps the more formal blogs will stray from my true stream of consciousness, but the next stage in life will probably not be as exciting. I’m glad I stayed consistent, and I hope these thoughts will bring me those short bursts of happiness later in life.
Life is a highway… my parents and teachers were the stripes and guard rails. Those potholes and near accidents with other drivers could only be avoided through personal experience. I probably hit one of those on the way to my unknown destination. I know most are like me, and just had to ram into one to really take the advice to heart. Trial and error sometimes works best (or in this case a large dent in the car). I’m deciding my own path and where it leads, but sometimes I’ll follow the traffic of friends.
I can only hope that this car doesn’t stay empty… that my passenger will be beautiful to me and not change the radio station or complain while I’m driving. If she tries to change my course, I might just have to kick her out of the car… unless I am really that crazy for her. Further down the road, I’ll have a baby seat in the back. Then I’ll eventually have to take out a mortgage to buy a few more cars… that’s too far ahead to think about.
Well, the stepping stones in education have come to an end, but I’m sure I’ll never stop learning. I’m taking my chances and “taking it to the max.”
Congratulations to all who have made it this far, and best of luck on all your future endeavors. Believe in miracles :-D.
~See Lemons Graduate